Open Tummy

Sob-riety

2008-11-16T23:57:00.002+08:00

Since last night, it has been a bit of back-to-back sob marathons.

It started when I caught the ending of the movie Pay It Forward. It was not as much as Haley dying, but more on how he had affected many lives. People came in droves to pay their last respect with flowers and candles at the gates of his home.

Earlier my sob saga continue as I had sobbed at my good friend Trish's blog about her aunt. I was so moved with her brutal honesty and vulnerability.

Later this evening, after listening to the song Just Stand Up, I started sobbing again.

I guess the common denominator, more than making the most out of one's life and inspiring others, is I'm allowing my heart to soften again, allowing it to feel, to pump again.

I thank these influences and inspirations. Yes, I'm sober albeit infused with love. I'm intoxicated with the oxygen of life. I'm grabbing life by the horns and bucking to the best ride of my life.

Live Life to the Fullest, Live Love.

Baby Boom Boom Boom

2008-09-23T20:55:00.002+08:00

Sure being a bum in a very traditional Chinese family places you on the wrung lower than where maggots reside; however, it has it's benefits.

I caught one of Tyra's shows lately. They talked about Teen Pregnancies.

Gahd, these kids are practically babies. Their age ranged from 13-17. All of them had had sex, and at least 5 of them each had already had a kid.

One already had 2 abortions. One thought she's only having a flu, but she never thought she had just had a miscarriage. The 17 year old had already been pregnant 3 times. Guess, where the 13 year old is right now? Yep, ya got that right, pregnant! 4 months down the road.

What the heck is the world coming to? One teen says she wants to be pregnant and has been taking measures to get there. She and Tyra got into a mild debate. Her rebuttal? If Jamie Lynn ( Spears) can have a baby, why can't she? Dang! What education are they getting?

Disney Favorites: Ratatouille

2008-09-19T00:14:00.003+08:00

I've always been a fan of Disney movies, especially since as I get older, I find deeper meanings every time I watch a rerun.

One of Disney's most recent movies is Ratatouille. Nagustuhan ko na siya agad sa unang panood:
1. Because I'm born year of the Rat
2. Because the movie is about food
3. Because andaming lessons yung movie

A lot of the movie's "teachings" speak directly to me having just graduated from LEAP. One such learning I got from Remy is just to follow what your heart dictates.

As Remy should everyone, he proved Gusteau's mantra that anyone can be a cook. As a matter of fact, anyone can be who or s/he wants to be. Again the age-old adage: If there's a will, there's a way.

Linguini tried to hide the fact that Remy was directing his culinary actions in the kitchen. But eventually the truth shall unfold. This reminds me of a Filipino kasabihan: walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag.

In general, this movie really captivates me because here is Remy, who's really a cool cool rat, who let his passion guide him, and at the end, he's total success. Not because he has loads of money or he has his own restaurant with a renowned food critic as an investor, but because he is doing what he was born to do. Nothing beats following your truth.

Feeling Chinese Films

2008-09-17T20:59:00.003+08:00

One of the perks for working for the Confucius Institute is having access to some of the most beautiful movies made by Chinese.

A World Without Thieves heightened my maternal instinct (protectiveness) at the same time brought back my trust in humanity.

Wang Li, a female con-artist is pregnant. She believes in karma and wants to change the fate of her unborn child by setting her life right. No more conning and stealing. Her lover Wang Bo is unaware for a long time and continues to con Sha Gen, a young and naive goat-herder they met on the train.

Unfortunately for Wang Bo, another master con-artist Uncle Li and his gang is also on the train with them and has his eyes on Sha Gen's RMB 60,000 savings. Wang Li, who had taken Sha Gen as her adopted brother continues to protect him from the prying thieves.

After witnessing his cunning skills, Uncle Li was tempted to try and recruit Wang Bo to join his gang. However, he had been unsuccessful, so he set up a manipulative challenge to force Wang Bo to succumb. First one to get Sha Gen's RMB 60,000 wins.

At the end of the film, the audience sees a dead Wang Bo clutching his cellphone; a peacefully sleeping Sha Gen with his bag of money sitting comfortably, albeit tainted with blood, beside him; Uncle Li again in one of his numerous disguises blending in with the crowd alighting the train. Uncle Li has gotten far before he was apprehended by the police detective who had recognized all of their tricks by now as a result of following their cases for a long time.

Wang Li is seen in a Chinese restaurant chowing down dimsums like popcorn. Cellphone beside her. She is visited by the detective. He claims Wang Bo will not come anymore. She had been waiting, and now she finally understood. Hope washed from her face. What's left is an expression of disbelief. Slow recovery, grief slowly creeping in, a slow realization that her lover's gone forever, that his last breath was a heroic feat dedicated to his unborn child.

Gender Illusionists

2008-09-17T18:41:00.003+08:00

Heard this term in one of Queer Eye's episodes. They used this term to refer to drag queens. I just love drag queens.

Once during Tita Au's big birthday bash at Manila Hotel, they hired Dragons (or was it Drag-ons), a group of local drag queens to perform their own rendition of a number of songs like Moulin Rouge and Phantom of the Opera. They were just hilarious and amazing! Wouldn't mind getting a huge birthday cake with a fancy drag queen popping out to surprise and greet me "Happylaloo Birthdaylaloo!" Now that's one for the road.

MMDA - Mga Mamang Dumudukot ng Assets

2008-09-10T14:49:00.004+08:00

Oh, man, where shall I start? This country has more corrupt citizens than fundings for the departments it needs to operate.

One Sunday on our way to Glorietta from EDSA, Tita Yolly and I were flagged down by the Mandurukots. They said, we were not supposed to be on the yellow/orange line. We were driving defensively, slowly inching our way to prepare to make a right turn at Ayala.

I asked them if supposedly the orange line meant we cannot stay long within that section for public transport. That GD SOB officer, who by the way has a jacket on to cover his ID or tag, said no. The line strictly sections off private vehicles. Ok, if that's the case, can anyone in the MMDA inform us, how the hell we can get to the gas stations beyond those orange lines? I guess the only option is to FLY.

GD it! This F***ING vampire of a government should take a good look at the team it has been leading.

In Search of Youth

2008-09-10T14:33:00.003+08:00

What would it entail to bring back one's youth?
What would you do to have your man back with you?

One has to watch the movie to witness personally how people can turn a blind eye to the ethics of life just to get back what they once had.

Underneath the gross storyline, I think what this movie is trying to portray is how women tend to allow society and men to define their beauty and their womanhood. This submission to public eye brings forth power to dominate other aspects...especially those who are most powerless - unborn children.

A word of advice: this movie is not for the weak...most particularly, straw-clad intestines.

Me Talk Pretty One Day

2008-09-10T09:47:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, I discovered what David Sedaris looked like. While reading Me Talk Pretty One Day, I made mental notes again and again to research about David Sedaris. My breezy brain blew off my mental sticky memo Notes. I should've bought 3M instead of those cheap cutesy ones.

He does not look anywhere close than what I have imagined him to be. He looks the type of person who you would to confide in, and not find out about it 3 years down the road. However, with his sarcastic humor, one will find Sedaris' book highly engrossing and entertaining. Even I wouldn't mind disclosing dark secrets to him to have it exaggerated in his next literary masterpiece.

Needless to say, I can't wait to get a copy each of Naked and of Corduroy.

Be The Light

2008-09-04T22:13:00.002+08:00

Recently I started painting. Nothing fancy. Just "paintful" versions of doodles or scribbles.

My canvas? My bedroom walls.

Each work depicts confusion, anger, the need to break free, the need for direction, the need for approval.

Since I was kid, I was never allowed to do within the reams of my parents' common sense and practicality. "You don't have any talent in drawing, just solve your math problems." "Photography is too expensive a hobby, and besides that's not your talent."

Parents know best. Moms know best.

Is there a Bantay Bata for emotional regression? Sure there's no school for parenting. Is there a school for living, for breaking free?

My shell. My hardened shell. Lava and snow had solidified my soul. My mind's too tired. I'm on autopilot now. Autopilot to self-sabotage. Now I understand what they meant when they say easier to give up, to conspire with the devil in you. Now I understand what they meant when they say it takes courage to stand back up, to see the light, to embrace the light then to be the light.

The Dearly Departing...

2008-09-04T21:57:00.003+08:00

Every day I think of something new and fascinating and I make a mental note to blog about it as soon as I plop myself in front of a computer oozing with internet power. That computer would be any computer at the office. However by the time I get there, always, always I have things to do, emails to send and answer, that the ideas float away. Lost in a mere historical mental note.

At this rate, I'm afraid before I'm 40, most of my brain cells, particularly the memory storage cells, had already died, and no amount of medication will give them the chance to rise from their grave.

Come Rescue Me

2008-09-04T21:41:00.002+08:00

Now I understand why I got my award.

Tonight I got into a nasty discussion with my mom. She claimed why after a year of working for Confucius Institute I was only able to scrimp a few thousands. She hypothesized what if she is not earning a living, where will we leave, how will pay for her medical bills.

Tonight I never felt so worthless, so shitty, so guilty, so dirty...

Tonight I felt I want to throw up, to throw myself out.

Tonight I felt I'm not a human being.

My girlfriend tried her best to remind me how much of a gift I am. I have difficulty accepting it.

Now I understand why I got my award.

Now I understand why I have these results, why my life is like this.

I am scared. So scared of life. Because of that belief system that my mom had brought upon me. Life is scary if I don't have enough money. The future is scary. I cease to be worthwhile without money. That has been my dominant belief system. A very destructive one. So much so I can accept whatever shitty job that comes my way and I'll accept it. Just so I have income. Just so I can give her money. I am a

I am a gift to lots of people. I am heaven-sent to lots of people. Everyone except my mom. My award is there to remind me that however worthless I feel before my mom. I am still a gift, whether she sees it or not, whether she acknowledges it or not.

I just wish she'll see I'm still a child inside.

2008-08-04T16:36:00.002+08:00

I hate taking my pictures lately. I hate seeing my eyes. Eyes never lie. They deliver you to either Heaven, Hell or Purgatory, depends on what state your soul is right now. You can guess where my soul is sweating in right now.

I feel so repulsive of myself that I cannot force myself to shift, to feel happy, to love others. I feel guilty more that my girlfriend just continues to be there to love me. I feel stupid with the false choices I've been making today. A life coach should know better, right? I feel guilty. I hope I have loved them enough before. Coz right now I'm beyond vulnerability. I'm beyond that. My emotions are kissing the depths of a vacuum. My mind becoming more insanely dictatorial.

It hurts. My mind hurts. It hurts. My mom's words hurt. It hurts. My heart just pounds against clasped walls, bound by chains of thorn, digging in deep, slicing at every beat. It hurts. My whole silent scream hurt.

I wish I can blow this feeling away. This is unhealthy. No, this is inhumane. I'm slowly being butchered to a fine cut fit for a queen. Swines did not want to die; however, someone deemed they should. Filthy swines rolling around in mud, squealing, growing pound by pound, giving birth to more swines, lying around oblivious to the negation the universe had fated on them. Then one day, the hand that fed them deemed it's time. Swines.

They're better off.

The Guardian

2008-08-03T02:09:00.002+08:00

With me just finishing coaching and CI's Director's Report, currently I finally have time to continue my a-book-a-month habit. Right now, I'm so into The Guardian (momentarily putting aside the more serious The Power of Now). Would you believe I only got it P40 in a booksale at St. Francis Square?

The story starts with a slowly unfolding case: about an angel named Tabris who killed the charge he had sworn to take care. He is eventually assigned to co-guard another human being despite the devil's plea to own him plus the clear discontent of most of the angels. Eventually, he found out that his new charge is supposed to be the future wife of his charge. Beyond this revelation of God's amazing decision, he learns to let go and forgive and love himself again as He had long done to him by giving him another chance in angelic life.

It's evident from the start why I was attracted to this book. I've lots to learn as Tabris. I can relate with his void, with his questions, with his desire to control the future, to always create a safety net, to be rigidly vigilant, to constantly fight away guilt's maggots from eating me alive.

I'm barely done with the book. Already I can't wait to finish it with one sitting.

Given the things that had been happening, I do wonder, do Guardian Angels really exist one per person, or with all the misfortunes plus the exponential population boom, is it a manifestation of a shortage of angels?

It's a very nice and light read. Interesting. I wonder why it's so much devalued. It's even a movie-material.

Questions for the World

2008-08-02T22:40:00.002+08:00

Multi-tasking didn't end when I graduated college. Listening to TV while e-mailing about work and texting my girl. I just find it superficial when a girl cheats on his boyfriend back home, another becomes righteous, and others start back-stabbing each other.

I'm now drunk with work and caffeine-overdose so here's my point:

I am not the God to judge who should fulfill their womanhood by becoming moms; however, if they do get that wonderful privilege of bringing another life into this world I do hope they step up, breathe life and create a difference (a good one). Articles like this one (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080802/ap_on_re_us/starvation_death_charges) makes me feel sad, angry, full of pity.

Moreover, my mind fills up with questions: What is happening here? Can people still change? Is this world still worth it? Is Life worth it?

The Alchemist: Take 2

2008-01-29T15:02:00.001+08:00

January 29, 2008

I am now reading again Paolo Coelho's The Alchemist. I did not understand the book quite well the 1st time I got a taste of it a few years back. I remember I had read it around April or May of 2005 before I went to Taiwan for my 1st living-abroad experience.

I also remember liking Coelho's writing style. There is a sense of adventure that gave me the momentary laps of wonderment and imagination, as well as enough touch of quotes about life that left me grounded.

After taking FLEX, ALC, LEAP, staffing thrice for FLEX and twice for ALC, and chiefing a FLEX, I am again taking another leap of faith as to what this book now has to teach me.

The words now about universal conspiracy to one's declarations of heart do not sound as alien as before. Previous images of cult practises now provide images of a graceful spiritual flight. Through the life of a young shepherd, I was allowed access to reflect on my own life.

My father used to mock me about keeping books for the purpose of rereading them in the future. I look back and see he is wrong.

Question Marks in the Air

2008-01-25T10:36:00.001+08:00

These past few days I've been feeling simultaneously restless and sluggish with my work. I don't know if it's because I've started working full time or because I don't find enough excitement to going to office. The only reason I look forward to each day is because... heheh that's for another blog entry...

I've been thinking how this work is not cut out for me, and vice versa. A few days ago, I rediscovered where I had placed my Alchemist book, and I decided to reread it again. I do feel that books like that are meant to be read and reread and reread...

"Visitors"

2008-01-16T17:34:00.000+08:00

Suddenly the guard here in Ateneo Professional Schools decided to recommend our Confucius Institute office as an unofficial library to graduate students who are going to have their midterm exams.

I did allow them to use the facility; however, I am really feeling uneasy about this whole arrangement. Processing myself, I realized that I felt I was taken advantage of. At first a couple students felt comfy then another came, then another, then another. Before I knew it, I am a librarian to half a dozen crammers. >:/

Later I plan to talk to the guard or whoever's in charge... Hay, "I" message...

I Am Legend not so legendary

2008-01-13T21:45:00.000+08:00

Recently I got the chance to experience the cold ambiance of the movie houses again. Choices were the MMFF candidates plus a couple of foreign movies.

I remember when I 1st watched a movie. I was with my mom. She used to tell me when she was young, her eldest sister and she will go to Avenida to catch some Susan Roces flicks back I think when movies were still in faded colors or in black and white. I really like it when Mama goes nostalgic and tells me some stories of her younger years.

My friend and I chose to spend quality time with Will Smith's I Am Legend. And I perfectly agree with Julianna Palermo's write-up on that movie. The director/producer could've done better with the ending. Honestly, not the best movie I have ever seen. Sure the effects were not bad; however, I wouldn't recommend it to friends. Good thing I have someone special with me, so my night was still well-spent. ;P

New Year, New What?

2007-12-31T23:53:00.000+08:00

As I sit here coming up with a new entry for my blog, I see the evening sky from my 2 bedroom windows bursting with flavorful colors of violet, pink, red, yellow, green. My ears are ringing from the explosives and my back's hurting from sitting too long on this chair.

The lights and booms appear too close for comfort, as if when I reach out of the window, I can easily cup in my hands these puffy colorful flowers of the night.

Since this morning, I kept shaking this irate feeling of fear, uncertainty, anxiety. I kept trying to bring back the loving Haidee, the one who believes that love is the answer, no other way to do it.

On my right window, I watch red strikes glide the walls of my room. On my left window, I watch red and green bullets attack the serenity of a regular night. I lowered the volume of my TV to bask in the thunders. I feel my floor shiver now and then. I can smell the residue of fireworks powder even with tightly closed doors and windows.

Looking back, I have never experienced New Year like this, feeling alienated, alone, incomplete. Looking back, I have never witnessed New Year like this. Usually, I turn the TV and music from my laptop full blast to drone out the unwanted sounds.

But now, I feel like a child again. A continuous replay of "Seasons of Love" serves as the perfect background to the pitter-patter of the celebrations, the sprinkle of Trix-colored night pellets.

I guess 2008 is very promising after all. :)

Equine Experience

2007-12-31T07:37:00.000+08:00

Mom said yesterday to wake up early coz we still need to buy fruits and flowers yada yada before her opening shop yada yada.

I was jolted out of dreamland when she barraged into my room picking up clothes to wash for her early morning laundry. Ungodly 4:30am, when I set my alarm at 5am. I was robbed, I tell you, ROBBBBEDDDD!!! So here I am watching Travel & Living again at 5:30am while waiting for my mom.

Every time I tune in to this channel, feels like I'm being transported to another world, to their world: their travels, their adventures, their luxury... *sigh*
Anyway, I caught Angus Fontaine living the life of the rich & famous... and not-so-famous, yet still lavishly wealthy. He's now checking out Miraval Resorts at Arizona. Now, I'm more of a Bobby Chinn and Anthony Bourdaine fan (I wonder why...), so whenever I catch Angus Fontaine on TV, I tend to switch back to Disney Channel or what other show caught my fancy.

However, something he was trying out at the resort caught my attention. He was enrolled at a program involving horses. *Eyng* Wrong guess. He's not horseback riding.

Doing a quick search on the web, he was enrolled at Wyatt Webb's Equine Experience program. Wyatt tasked Angus to simply give a horse a ... "hoof scrub." As you've seen in cowboy movies, one does not immediately grab a horse's hoof, unless one wants to instantly become a 4th of July show.

So Wyatt guided Angus to slowly move down the horse's leg, gently squeeze its ankles, and wait for a few seconds for it to raise its hoof; if not, back off. Kinda like wooing a girl to dance with you in the old 16th century balls. Anyway, I guess Angus' charm only works on women coz the horsie refused him its hand... er, hoof.

Before backing off, what Angus did was to slowly glide his hand again up to the horse's shoulder. What was fascinating; however, was how Wyatt detected a lot of Angus' traits/mannerisms/behavior/attitude with that simple scene. He asked how long had Angus been using his charm to get his way, to get what he wants.

Wyatt told Angus to try the whole task again... but with his eyes closed. Angus obliged, and as a viewer, I can see how Angus became more unsure of himself. He only relied on his senses and on Wyatt's voice and instructions, "move a bit more to your left, squeeze lightly..." I can see that though it seemed a bit awkward or unnerving, it was a practice of trust for him then and there: trusting himself, trusting Wyatt, trusting the horse. He has no other way but to abide to the rules of a different game.

After a few seconds, the horse raised its hoof up for a quick scrubbing from a well-traveled journalist who probably has never scrubbed someone else's foot, let alone an animal's. Wyatt processed him and Angus admitted that what worked was him following his instinct.

That program really grabbed my interest because since I've finished LEAP, I've been into similar things: clawing deep down and discovering untapped natural capabilities, which are basically the only qualities one would need in this world.

Someday I'd like to experience that and learn from that man, Mr. Wyatt Webb. What's the value, you say? Well, I should say: learning, growth, excitement, adventure, humility.

On the Look-out: Drum Tabs

2007-12-26T04:02:00.000+08:00

Anyone knows where I can get drum tabs of songs like Linkin Park's "Faint?" It would be helpful also if there's a website where solo drumming vids are available.

P.S. Linkin Park seems like they're evolving. A bit U2-ish now, esp with their new "Shadow of the Day."

Maury Show

2007-12-26T03:30:00.000+08:00

I'm watching Maury now at 2nd Avenue. Yeah, it's obvious I'm a TV addict. I guess I'm just compensating for the times I was too tired to even turn on the TV.

Boy, these Americans can be freaky. I hope the freakiest ones are just fabricated, but it seems that people can be...er, creative in their lives also. So far what I caught in the show are:

A 38 year-old white woman is engaged to a 24 year-old black dude. Her instincts are telling her he had been cheating on her, and that he might be a man-whore for free cigarettes, mp3 players and a laptop. She said she's been too distressed that she can't eat, can't sleep.
As a trap, Maury's team put the guy into a limo with a lady-decoy pretending that she's one of the guests for the show. It took the guy 13 minutes before he started lip-locking with her.
So no surprise when lie-detectors divulge that this guy had cheated with 5 women, 25 times.
A woman's husband is a pimp and had been cheating with her.
An angry man subjected his wife to Maury, and his lie-detecting machines, to check if she had cheated and is cheating on him.
He believes that their 3 children are not his, and has been alienating them.
Guess what, his wife never cheated.
Well, in support of his truth, I hope he settles his issues before his children end up like him or like the other freaks featured in the show.

What I can't get is why do some of these people need to bring their case to national (and international TV) when they know that they would revealing embarrassing and degrading facts and secrets about themselves. Can't they just settle this in court or with a family or marriage counselor?

Declare and Deliver

2007-12-26T03:08:00.000+08:00

It had been sometime since I last thought of coming up with a list of things I want to do while I'm still alive. I guess I've been thinking of a limit when in fact I should be open to additions subtractions multiplications divisions (to the list) as life rolls.

Since it's free to dream:

write a book
learn wakeboarding/surfing/water skiing/wind surfing
buy a Nikon DSLR (still hesitating with D40)
buy a video camera
own a car (still drooling over Mazda 3... occasionally tempted by the stocky Mazda 6)
go to Singapore to visit friends and relative
explore the bazaars of Thailand
adventure the lands of Australia and New Zealand
taste the flavours of Europe
scuba-dive the local waters of the Philippines
own a house with bookshelves for my babies, a bathroom lounge, a walk-in closet, a room for my drums
paint
host an exhibit of my photos and paintings

That's all for now. I have another topic in mind for my blog revival. :)

Seasons of Love...?

2007-12-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

Today's Christmas, and I was watching Christmas toons on Disney Channel while surfing for Wicked songs. I found out that the lead Idina Menzel was on Rent also. This reminded me of the song "Seasons of Love," which reminded me of 3rd Intensive. How it was just overflowing with love.

But something happened here at home that's no season of love.

Today's Christmas, the day our maid of 5+ years left. She had a fight with my aunt, packed her stuff and stormed out of our home. Mom had been declaring to the universe that our maid will leave. Ask and it shall be delivered.

I just felt bad that it was Christmas and it was evening. No taxis are passing by and she hadn't caught herself yet to think where she'll be staying.

I'm not writing a MMK special here. I just feel sad with what had transpired.

I feel that in a way, I am also partly responsible for not taking action. I could've counteracted the flow of events but I chose to stay in the comforts of my room when things are getting loud outside. I thought it's the usual hoolabaloo. I should have heeded when my intuition's "wang-wang" started screaming.

Man, I should stop this. It's really hard beating myself up. Pakshet mga belief system na ito! Every time I realize where these all came from, I find myself distancing my source of thousands of BSes: my mom.

I know I still feel...incomplete, so everyday I work on concretizing myself, that someday I can take back my lost childhood characteristics, and live life as life and God had intended.

Christmas Eve

2007-12-24T22:03:00.000+08:00

On some days aboard a jeepney or an LRT, or when I'm just lounging in a cafe somewhere, I always have a topic in mind to write in my blog page. I feel I always have things to share, but when the blog template's staring back at me, my mind seems to run out of gas.

In the meantime, half of my attention's directed to the TV. While channel-hopping among the cartoon stations, I noticed that Christmas 2007 is a few minutes away.

I looked back to my past Christmases.

I remember the times back in grade school and high school when school will go on a break days before Christmas. Whenever I get up in the morning, sans breakfast, I heartily enjoy marathons of Christmas toons on Cartoon Network and other channels. No matter how many times I've caught different versions and variations of Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol (Flintstones, Scooby Doo, Mickey Mouse, Tom & Jerry, etc.), it's still amazing how I still enjoy watching them even in replays.

Now, I get to relive my childhood anew with cartoons with refreshingly new stories, as well as well-loved ones with wonderful twists. And now we have 3 channels that play these creations 24/7. (Tip: I find primetime, around 8pm, more enjoyable.)

One other Christmas that stood out was a bit recent. 2005 to be exact.

Unlike Philippines, Taiwan does not celebrate Christmas as a major holiday. So after 21 years of lounging my Christmases Manila, I was suddenly thrust in a society that works their Christmastime off. Man, how I had missed everyone back in Manila: my friends, my family, the food, the festivities, driving to familiar places, the comforts and conveniences.

I had been immersed in Taiwan for more than 6 months already, yet all of a sudden, everything felt so foreign again. As if this season to be jolly had recharged the feeling of isolation, hollowness that I had tried to beat by diving myself into work and more requested work. There were more "Hay..." than "Falalalala lalalala..."

I used to rationalize then that our Christmases was nothing extraordinary. We don't have noche buenas. Exchanging gifts is optional. "Kung hindi kailangan, wag nang bilhin. Mahirap panahon kelangang magtipid." Partly I bought my own rationalization. It took some of the sting away.

Coming back to the present, with that memory replaying like old Christmas cartoon reruns, I felt really grateful for being here, for spending Christmas here.

Sure, I'm back to our eventless Christmas "celebration" here at home. However, the feeling's like rebirth. I enjoy things differently. Merely ordering food, in my native tongue, at a restaurant brings an inner smile. Driving around feels comfortable. Seating shotgun while chatting with a taxi driver awakens me even after a claustrophobic experience at a packed Mall of Asia.

It's heart-warming... and scary at the same time. It's like falling in love again yet knowing the risk that it wouldn't last. I see myself living and thriving abroad, and it's a bit scary to think that some day I will have to relive again those same emotions I had felt back in Taiwan.

But that's still in the future, and as I've learned, live in the moment. And borrowing a theme from moments of past, this moment calls for a cup of hot chocolate, a remote control and some classic Disney cartoons.

krish-krish-krish

2006-10-04T01:32:00.000+08:00

Dice Gaaaame!!! No, not the Mooncake Festival Dice Game. But the same dice game that got me drunk a few weeks ago... or was it a month ago.

This time around, my aunt and I, the ladies get to drink a alcoholic plum drink. At first glance, you'll think, is that honey? It's not bottled fancifully. It's contained in a, yup, a honey jar: small jar probably around 50oz, yellow cap, simple label, honey-looking color. Above all that, the drink's great!

The moment the drink touches your lips, you'll feel nothing can taste sweeter than this. Then sourness rises over the sweetness. But it's not too sour that'll make you long for the heavenly taste of a lemon. Tama lang ang asim. After all the regular plum flavors settle, the alcoholic taste kicks in.

The trick here is to sip it or take it in small shots. Sure, it's hot down the throat, but the lingering sweet-sour-alcoholic zest makes it more than bearable.

heheh And as for the guys?

Well, my cousin had this huge jar of medicine kuno for his aching back. Dunno where the hell he got the Chinese herbs doused and sitting in 20g of huangjiu (yellow wine). For the uneducated, un-baptized, untrained out there, huangjiu is probably the local wine with the highest alcoholic concentration. So imagine the strong punch with an even stronger punch from the herbal concoction.

I met this INTOXIFICATING potion first time when I was sweeping our pad. My bloodhound nose picked up this weird smell, which eventually led me to this hellish mix. It was sealed and wrapped in plastic then, mind you. I think even without my inane smelling talent, its smell would've caught my attention. And we're just on smell there, care to taste?

Going back to the dice game, hehe, our beloved guys, my uncle and my cousin had to drink this for their consequences. And if the game was imbalanced enough, their shots are greater than our shots. hahaha

It's priceless to see my 52-year-old uncle squirming and making faces like a 5-year-old who got a surprise injection or pulled by the ear by a tyrannical granny. Even more priceless to see my cousin got caught in his own bluff 3 times in a row! Here he is with a Santa Claus body, jumping (with his man boobs and tummy blobbing up and down with him), flinging-flanging his arms like a wet bird flinging-flanging water from its wings, flopping down on the sofa like a whacked fish.

hahaha Man, I should've known there was a camera on top of microwave. Those 2 men-of-the-house are just hilarious!

I played the game real well tonight! I'm proud to say I didn't end up drunk as my uncle had expected and I played the rounds real well. I lost more than a couple of times but they were worth it. Learned a few tricks and like I said, the drink's great!

Not too good for my cuz though. We went home and on our way, he said he feels like throwing up. I said, no you're not going to blow up at our pad. (That would mean I would've have to clean it coz he's too messed up.) So he said, ok he'll throw up along the way since there are patches of grass behind low-lying bushes. And throw up he did. His "lwoeu...bu-lah..wul-lah.." can be heard resonating from the tall buildings in the silent 1am cool night. The moon's perfect for werewolves, bright but hidden in passing clouds, making it more weird for this type of scene.

Casually, I took the keys to our pad and his man-pouch, walked past him, up the stairs, into the elvator and into our pad. I could still hear his "bu-lah... wul-lah..." a minute after I settled into the couch.

When he came in, he said, This is my advantage (comparing himself to locals or to his peers). I could get drunk, continue what we're playing, then throw up after the game, and feel refreshed and alert afterwards. Ain't I amazing?

Hmm... It is pretty amazing he doesn't need to tickle his throat to barf. He does not lie when he said he's so gotten used to throwing up, he just bends and force the ghastly contents out.

Other than that regurgitating skill, I don't really see what the amazing thing is. Why would you pay someone to make that hellish "pain-reliever" in the first place?

Film of Your Life

2006-09-29T15:39:00.000+08:00

Just a thought:
If you were to direct an autobiographical film, how would you direct it?

Relating with Rose Is Rose

2006-09-27T14:20:00.000+08:00

This is from the comics Rose is Rose. My favorite character there is her son Pasquale. He's cuter back when he was 2, I think. That was when I first met Pasquale and Rose and her husband Jimbo.

My brother studied at a different school back in grade school and high school. Their school had a booksale nearby. He bought a couple of books, one of which is Rose is Rose. At first, I thought, "Man, this looks like it's going to be boring." If I remember correctly I even scolded him for squandering his money. We're only in grade school then! And he's 3 years younger than me! So at most he would've been only 9.

Eventually, after reading the comic once, I found myself reading and rereading it from time to time. And through the years, I'm finding bits of pieces of myself in Pasquale and bits and pieces of my mom in Rose.

There was one strip wherein Rose said, "Ok, Pasquale, if you must." Then she dressed up for rain outside, rushed out to the grocery, lined up for what seemed like an eternity, rushed back home. Still dripping wet, she gave Pasquale the bag of chips. Then she asked Pasquale, "May I have one." Pasquale, adultly replied, "Ok, Mama, if you must." hahahaha

That's probably one of the most critical things we have to learn while teaching kids. Now that I have a baby cousin who I get to see everyday, I am always reminded of scenes I once saw in that comic book. The scene I just narrated is just all too familiar.

What we do to him back home, reflects itself when he interacts with others or how he responds to us on different occasions. My aunt and I sometimes would try to discipline him by threatening to spank him (lightly, of course) by saying "da-da" (Chinese for "hit, hit") whenever he would throw tantrums. Little do we know how much he's been absorbing until we arranged a playdate with one of the managers' kid, who's the same age as him older by just a month.

He was playing with the kid and he wanted a toy that the kid's playing with at the moment. When the kid won the toy after a short tug-of-war, my cousin smaller by a few inches suddenly raised his hand and said "da-da." I was shocked and forcing back a laugh. I didn't look at my aunt but I got a feeling she's a bit appalled by the incident.

My cousin's cute as far as cuteness can go. But man, you have to have more than a PhD in dealing with this lil monkey. (He's born under that sign.)

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Here's another classic strip that I very much relate to:
http://www.comics.com/comics/roseisrose/archive/roseisrose-20060910.html

Back when we used to play bump cars, I didn't really understand the word "bump;" moreover, the concept of bump cars. That was my favorite carnival attraction though: It's the nearest I can get to driving a car when I was young.

I thought the concept was others would try to bump you and you have to test your skill by escaping those bumps (and headaches). When our minute's up, I would walk out proudly saying, "Didn't you see how great I was? I didn't get bumped!!!"

It took me more years, an older cousin, a nearly vacant carnival, and a ride-all-you-can card before I learned, "Oh the point is you bump them, they bump you, you all laugh semi-hysterically."

Fine, judge me!

Hungry's Movie Comments: Mission Impossible: III

2006-09-27T00:14:00.000+08:00

First and foremost, I'm revising the title of my "Movie Reviews" blogs to "Movie Comments" coz that's all ever there is. I give away the whole movie and just give thumb/s up or down. Sometimes I even forget the characters' names (not to mention sometimes I don't even know the actors themselves)! So not really professionally reviewing. hehehe

Anyway, on to our Movie Comments of the day...

Just caught Mission Impossible III last Friday, and you can imagine me at the end of the movie shrugging my shoulders and saying, "So?"

Yep, I would say, it's better than MI: II coz it's more "action-packed." (If you deemed crashing through windows action-packed.) Actually I thought Ethan's wife's instinctive shooting skills are great - more appealing than Tom Cruise's portrayal of Ethan Hunt.

At first I thought it was ok and I didn't have much judgment almost throughout the entire movie. I thought it lived up to a sci-fi/action/suspense, and my constant comments are just "This is better than 2." Yep, my thoughts are just that up until I saw Ethan's wife revive him and his first impulse was get the gun, hug his wife, aim the gun.

Lame.

It's so... chauvinistic. "You did that? Wow!" Wassat supposed to mean? That he married a person that would need his constant protection? Had he informed his wife of his real job, she would've been able to construct a more foolproof plan for both of them. And in the first place, where'd you seen a guy that reacts like that upon being revived? Typical Hollywood. Can't wait til I can get my hands on Euro films. (Suggested: great masterpiece Cinema Paradiso)

Anyway, to each her own opinion.

Next MovCom: Strike It. :D

I Done a Good Deed Today

2006-09-22T20:00:00.000+08:00

Did you ever act out on instinct? Like something is telling you to do something and you did it erasing any 2nd thoughts?

Tonight I was planning on munching a few spicy chicken wings I bought from KFC. They're actually more scrumptious than McDo's. Here in Yangzhou, KFC rules! (Well, except for McDo's milkshakes.)

Anyway, after KFC I passed by the adjacent eyeglasses shop and told them my glasses' situation and asked how much if they can fix them. I was told I can get them fixed for free if the glasses' sorry condition is as simple as it sounds.

Glad to hear the word "for free," I walked out with sunshine rays above me. Then I saw this 50-something thin lady scrounging for cartons and plastics outside the glasses shop. I had parked my bike just in front of her. Before I left, voices suddenly swept me:
- Remember how you used to randomly help out people? It's your chance now.
- But it seems absurd!
- Think of The Valkyries (a Paolo Coelho book). Think of your angel. What's s/he telling you?
- If you don't believe in it, believe in your intuition.
- You're too fat anyway! You've already eaten a waffle and had coffee for dinner. So what if you're going to the gym afterwards?!
- Think of it this way, you don't get to add fat into your lousy body, you're helping your heart and someone else.
- Look at her! She's half your size!

So against my tummy's haggling, I walked my bike toward her and said (in Chinese), "can I ask you something?"

She spoke in Yangzhou dialect.

Persisting, I told her, "seems like you haven't had your dinner yet, you can have this." I removed the KFC plastic bag from my bike's railing and handed it to her. She's saying no, and for a time there I was a bit scared that she might lash out at me for taking pity on her, but I smiled and looked at her then looked straight in her eyes.

They told me she's hungry.

Like any typical Chinese, she's refusing, but I know this gesture all too well. It is customary to refuse a couple of times before giving in. I waited for the customary, "no" and "no." Eventually, she gave in asked why. I could not explain it to her that my inside's telling me to help her out, that an angel told me, that I'm leaving Yangzhou and this is one of the ways I want to leave a piece of myself. In the end, I just told her, "I'm too fat anyway and advance Merry Christmas."

I don't know if she understood the "Advance Merry Christmas," or if she had even celebrated it. Looking back, I don't even know where the words came from, but something tells me it's probably more her angel looking out for her than my angel giving me a sense of pride and accomplishment.

I biked away all giddy and feeling like there's a glow around me. The feeling's still here. It's been so long since I last helped a stranger. I felt that I could be bumped by a bus and for all I care - I helped someone! (Siempre todo ingat pa rin ako. It's different here in China.)

It's such a good feeling that everyone should do it! It should be made a daily challenge. :D

I hope I had made a difference in her life. Weird as this may sound - she made a difference in mine by letting me help her. On my way home, I thought, I hope this could start a pay-it-forward thing. You know, where regardless of your standing in life, you have the means to help someone if your heart's in the right place.

I suddenly remembered something I read or heard somewhere (not exact words but you should get the meaning): Praying and claiming world peace won't accomplish anything. It can't be done in a day. The miracle of world peace is achieved by doing your share little bit by little bit.

:)

Hungry's Movie Reviews: RV

2006-09-20T10:29:00.000+08:00

This one's funny. I mean, not the type you'll watch over and over again until you pass out, but it has some scenes that will really catch you off-guard, and you just can't help but roll.

As always for all my humble movie reviews, for those who hadn't watched it yet, please don't read this blog, it'll be a spoiler.

I first read about RV when they interviewed Cheryl Hines (Jamie Munro). I was a bit intrigued coz it had been quite some time since I last watched a Robin Williams film. (For me, the most memorable one is Birdcage.)

I dismissed it thinking it must be another one of those family flicks with a happy ending and is just a waste of your time. However, when I saw an officemate watching it and cannot withhold his laughter anymore (in the office), I thought, there must be something to this film. Curiousity got the best of me and upon coming home, watched it online too.

Though as predicted, a happy ending, I still enjoyed a few clips along the way. These are some of my favorite scenes:

The scene where Bob's clumsily manuvering the big "rolling turd" out of their lane is a bit funny. At first he refuses to move the RV until he successfully straps on his seat belt. The look on Jamie's face is priceless, and Robin's veteran acting is so on the dot. It's like "ok we're going now... now... now... now..." And Jamie's expression is, "Will you please stop it with the belt already?! You can strap that on later!" or "Swear to God, if you don't strap that on soon, I'm going to twist it round your neck!" but still say "I love you, dear, take all the freakin time you want!"
3 family members singing 3 different songs from 3 different genres. Must be one hell of a headache! If I were him I would've yelled "SHUT UPPP!!!" however, given that he undermined their Hawaiian trip, it's understandable why he's just gritting his teeth. This got into my fave list coz it's so amusingly common in almost every household. Very self-centric, and you would be a hypocrite to have not experienced that.
Yucky as you can imagine it be, you still can't help but laugh at Bob's distress when he has to drain out some stranger's poop that's left in their rented RV. As a 3rd person and consciously knowing, "Nah, they wouldn't put real poop in there. I mean, it's Robin Williams!" but still you can't help but "Ewww..." even if nobody's agreeing beside you.
How the hell can a raccoon get into an oven?! I mean, even if it stretches its body to open the lid, upon sliding in, the oven would've snapped its tail or something, right? Do inform me on the latest oven features, coz that's the only oven we have.

I thought Bob was exaggerating when he said there was a family of racoons and came out all tattered holding what's left of their umbrella. But when he attacked the RV with a stink bomb, seeing a gang of 3 raccoon critters surrender then seeing the Munroes' expression made me lol. And just when you think Lord Bad Luck had left them, they rain-basked in their plastic ponchos. hahaha

Robin Williams playing Bob had me chuckling when he was speaking all this gangster-rap lingo. Only he can pull something like that. Imagine Jim Carey or Billy Crystal or Rob Schneider or Adam Sandler doing that; it just won't be the same.
Who can ever forget the treacherous mountainside trek Bob has to take to escape a bumper-to-bumper jam on the highway? That poster perfect scene is really something that'll have your laughing grandma spit her false teeth out.
Check out the part where their RV rolls into a lake and Bob's adamant about giving his marketing pitch so much that he proudly walks into the lake, bubbles inside it, and came out wearing a helmet and peddling a tiny bike that even my 10-year-old cousin already graduated out of. Now, that's hilarious! Who would've thought of that? hahaha Absolutely unique! hahahaha

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this is Jojo's first acting debut, right? She's done a good job, I would say - she looks real comfy in her role as Cassie. I believe there are some scenes wherein she looks like she's holding back a chuckle or 2.

Couldn't say the same for the spunk who played Carl. The kid's young though and has all the years to raise his acting to the next level. He must've felt real honored acting alongside Robin Williams and Cheryl Hines (Jamie Munro) though.

Albeit I think Diane Keaton can also play the mother in a dysfunctional family, I don't think the entire movie's Diane-Keatony. Cheryl Hines is so fitting for these kinds of roles. She attaches well as a mid-aged mom who still maintains a healthy sexlife...er, relationship with her hubbie. I sure hope her career picks up and we can see more of her in movies to come.

Last but not the least: This movie's fittingly made for Robin Williams! You can say that a lot of the scenes wouldn't be the least funny if not for his facial expressions or Robin William trademark performance (return to the rap lingo). A role I'd like him to fit into is a striving superhero. Just imagine him racing to the rescue and then fumbles with his gadgets or hits someone accidentally strikes someone with his puncheroo (heheh something I just made up) or clumsily trips on his cape. I know it's very very slapstick, but I know Robin Williams can just rise up to the challenge that any comedy-drama will bring and more.

Alcohol use helps boost income: Hungry thinks

2006-09-17T12:57:00.000+08:00

I would have to agree that drinking does build up social capital. They do it here in China all the time. And I can attest to that. Read my previous previous blog.

Though it's with my relatives, and though I'm in no contest with my (male) cousin to get their attention and preference, after almost 6 months here with them, I can sincerely say that this is the only time I felt I was able to be myself in front of my uncle and vice versa.

I was laughing hard. My uncle's really his goofy and irritatingly wise-cracking self. He's really showing his jerk side, and that's fine with me coz all he's ever been is this analytical businessman-in-China guru, which made me feel awkward all the time.

I know that alcohol loosens any inhibitions and that may be the reason. It was fun letting loose. But alcohol also helps disorient you.

So there I was getting more and more drunk, more and more disoriented. The more I was disoriented, the more I couldn't bluff. The more I couldn't bluff, the more I lost, the more I took shots. Vicious cycle.

So even if I'm pro-social drinking, what I've just mentioned are some of the factors one has to consider while "social drinking."

(Social drinking for some is just drinking casually without getting drunk. For some getting drunk happy is still considered social drinking. Differs from people to people.)

Factor 1: Alcohol loosens any inhibitions.
Factor 2: Alcohol disorients you.

I don't know where this game originated; however, it typically appeals to Chinese coz it's a game where you outwit and outlast everyone with the help of alcohol:

You prey on someone you know who can't bluff. Make him disoriented. He loosens her strategic senses. After a few rounds you know he can't bluff anymore.
You bluff by making the now whoozy people think you're bluffing when in fact you're not (in a way, acting like an open prey). Make them pounce on you. Then you show your hand. Boom! They're wrong, they drink again.
You bluff. The person who's turn is next bluffs along with you. You catch him/her. Boom! You escaped drinking again.

There are many more possible tricks in this game. In the end, even if the sly one has gotten to drink a few shots, he still is considered sober enough compared to his game mates. It's like going to war.

Sun Tzu might've been a slasher in this game. Of course, he might've wanted more than a few shots himself, but winning may have been in his mind more than the mere enticement of alcohol.

Damn, I wish he's in my team!

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STILL WITH SOCIAL DRINKING

One of the known scenarios here: Clients taken out to lunch or dinner (most of the time dinner) by the sales people they're visiting, and by the sales managers probably (depends on the amount of the sales generated with the customer).

Before eating starts, first round of drinks are raised by the host of the dinner. (Learned this custom in a shameful way.)

Dinner starts lauriat style. Throughout the meal, every so often people will raise the glass. It's a sign of respect they say. So if you're the visiting client or even just a visitor, expect the glass to be raised more for you than others.

But be wary, if you haven't closed a deal yet. Drinking loosens up any inhibitions, remember?

You might find yourself talking and talking, before you know it, you'll saying confidential information that's been your trump card but is now essential obtained to the advantage of other party.

Drinking disorients you: Worse case scenario - you're drunk and blabbering. They produce a contract. You sign. You just gave a way your company.

hahaha Never heard of that happening, esp since contracts are not that widely used here. But a verbal agreement's equally accountable, so it's possible you might say "yes" to something your company's not yet ready for.

Drinking's inevitable here! You're going to find yourself in a social drinking dinner here sooner than later. So before engaging in a drinking war (aka social drinking), better make sure you know your drinking limits, know your partners' drinking limits, test your "opponent's" drinking limits as well as his partners. Then sugod mga kapatid (attack!!!)!!!

Of course, they say the best form of offense is a good defense - just say you don't drink and order juice for yourself. :D

Alcohol use helps boost income: study

2006-09-17T12:30:00.000+08:00

Alcohol use helps boost income: study

WASHINGTON (AFP) - People who consume alcohol earn significantly more at their jobs than non-drinkers, according to a US study that highlighted "social capital" gained from drinking.

The study published in the Journal of Labor Research Thursday concluded that drinkers earn 10 to 14 percent more than teetotalers, and that men who drink socially bring home an additional seven percent in pay.

"Social drinking builds social capital," said Edward Stringham, an economics professor at San Jose State University and co-author of the study with fellow researcher Bethany Peters.

"Social drinkers are out networking, building relationships, and adding contacts to their BlackBerries that result in bigger paychecks."

The authors acknowledged their study, funded by the Reason Foundation, a libertarian think tank, contradicted research released in 2000 by the Harvard School of Public Health.

"We created our hypothesis through casual observation and examination of scholarly accounts," the authors said.

"Drinkers typically tend to be more social than abstainers."

The researchers said their empirical survey backed up the theory, and said the most likely explanation is that drinkers have a wider range of social contacts that help provide better job and business opportunities.

"Drinkers may be able to socialize more with clients and co-workers, giving drinkers an advantage in important relationships," the researchers said.

"Drinking may also provide individuals with opportunities to learn people, business, and social skills."

They also said these conclusions provide arguments against policies aimed at curbing alcohol use on university campuses and public venues.

"Not only do anti-alcohol policies reduce drinkers' fun, but they may also decrease earnings," the study said.

"One of the unintended consequences of alcohol restrictions is that they push drinking into private settings. This occurred during the Alcohol Prohibition of 1920-1933 and is happening on college campuses today. By preventing people from drinking in public, anti-alcohol policies eliminate one of the most important aspects of drinking: increased social capital."

The researchers found some differences in the economic effects of drinking among men and women. They concluded that men who drink earn 10 percent more than abstainers and women drinkers earn 14 percent more than non-drinkers.

However, unlike men, who get a seven percent income boost from drinking in bars, women who frequent bars at least once per month do not show higher earnings than women drinkers who do not visit bars.

"Perhaps women increase social capital apart from drinking in bars," the researchers said in an effort to explain the gender gap.

Hungry's Movie Reviews: The Lake House

2006-09-17T00:36:00.001+08:00

I caught The Lake House last night on one of Yangzhou's online movie database. I think currently it's one of the most watched movies, esp under the Romance category.

I normally wouldn't watch mushy stuff as much as I would comedy but I'm curious how they're going to lay-out the story of a romantic correspondence that had transcended time through the help of a magic mailbox and a female dog named Jack.

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*Warning: To those who had watched this, I invite you to come and take a peek and help me assess the movie by leaving comments. To those who haven't watched it yet, hmm... I suggest you leave this page and come back after you have.
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One of the thoughts I had after watching it is: Why did they name the movie The Lake House when its the mailbox who's doing all the work?! Life can really be so unfair even to a rusty trusty mailbox.

Sure, sure the lake house is a serenely isolated perfectly surrounded by nature, a place where you can be yourself. But all it's Mr. Mailbox who's been transporting all these letters and notes. It's like an actress or an executive who has her assistant do all the dirty nasty stuff, but in the end gets the credit. (I hope the creators of Lake House are reading this. Someday when they decide to do an excruciating follow-up movie for this, they should give due credit.)

A thought going through my mind while watching the film is that Alex Wiler (Reeves) must've had a more difficult time than Kate Forrester (Bullock). I mean, he has to wait for Kate for 2 years before she finally catches on with this serenade. While Kate can just go on with her time, as we've seen with the Almario scene. Alex had to wait 2 years for that date, counting the days before the big date, before the first formal meeting.

Kate, on the otherhand, just wakes up the next day, goes to work, comes back home, freshens up, and goes to the restaurant. No agonizing wait.

But then again I thought, "He had seen her once on the tracks, knew what she looks like, kissed her on her birthday. So why didn't he just court her then (meaning 2004) and there? I would've made their lives easier. She returned his kiss so obviously there's chemistry. They could've worked it from there. No more ghost (literally) letters."

Man, if my friends were here, they would've replied, "What can you do? Director's orders!"

Yeah, ok, setting aside my over-sympathy for the mailbox and the then-and-there thing, the really major thing that's been gnawing in my thoughts is that when Alex appeared after her last letter, where she provided him a preview on the life-and-death scene that could change both of their lives, and other lives as well, forever.

Now, I just have to inject something here, and Back to the Future watchers can relate with me: isn't influencing the past affect majorly the outcomes in the future?

So Kate (Bullock) had intercepted, told Alex to wait so they can be together in the future. So by saving his life through a letter, she changed his destiny, her destiny, their destinies... and if you're going to analyze it more, others' destinies as well. And by influencing other people's (who are closely related to them) destiny, they are influencing more people's destinies. It's like a ripple effect.

However, if you come to think about it, what brought Kate back to the lake house in the first place is for her to get away from coping with her first death, which coincindentally is her yet-unknown Alex.

So if he hadn't died then, she wouldn't have needed to go back to the lake house and checked the mailbox, containing Alex's first letter to her. The correspondence wouldn't have occured. Feelings wouldn't have ignited. He wouldn't have left the lake house. He wouldn't have redesigned and reconstructed the lake house for her. The lake house wouldn't have been that beautiful. Kate wouldn't have loved it. Or in another pov, Alex wouldn't have left it for her. He would've raised his own family in the lake house like his dad did. He wouldn't have longed for Kate. He wouldn't have met that terrible accident. So on and so forth...

Like I said from the unseen (Alex's) letter, a lot of things would've spunned. Like for one, Kate might've met some other guy and didn't settle for Nip/Tuck dude (forgot his screen name). Or Alex would've made it real big with or without his brother. He might've successfully carried his subdivision project and married the bimbo, had kids.

Just like what the professor had taught Marty in Back to the Future, affecting one teeny tiny detail in the past could produced a butterfly effect changing his future. Same here with The Lake House. It should've so, but again hearing my friends' reply:

Director's orders!

Lasing Ako

2006-09-17T00:36:00.000+08:00

La lang, just wanna tell everyone that I'm drunk... obviously, since an undrunk Haidee wouldn't have told you or shown you she's drunk.

Anyway, we're playing this dice game with my uncle, aunt, and cousin: 4 ppl, 5 dice each, 1 small bowl to cover the dice.

Point of the game is to bring the others down. No need for you to always win, but you have to be careful that they don't bring you down.

The basic rule is that you shake your dice under the bowl, then see what you have then either try to bluff the others by misleading you have something (like 4 4s: ) you don't have or by actual telling the truth while making them think its a bluff.

Very complicated game, in a way, which can only be understood when watched and better when played.

The downside is you have to pay with a shot of red wine (7%). Now I know most of you might've thought, what's 7%?! For me, it's a lot coz since I'm a new player, haven't really gotten drunk before, everything's new for me! Esp the 7% since I lost a lot, I had the most # of shots (meaning I drank almost an entire bottle all by myself.

I hadn't slurred or blabbered. I hadn't thrown up. But I was real whoozy. I was able to ride my bike normally though. So in a way, according to the general assessment by my aunt, I'm not yet drunk. Drunk is when you do things you don't normally do and don't remember it the next day. And drunk is when you throw up... a lot. So, she said, since I'm completely sane and just feel that my head is spinning, I'm not yet considered drunk.

Well, I wouldn't actually say I'm not drunk. Like I said, I wouldn't normally broadcast my state of drunkness, but I'm doing so now... with my whoozy head.

So no fallacy about this: I'm drunk... (bog)!

Does Susy have kuto?

2006-09-15T14:10:00.000+08:00

Remember them?

Suddenly thought of them. If I remember correctly their names are Susy and Geno. The most vivid memory I had of them is the time my mom and I went to go buy some groceries near Sta. Cruz Church. I forgot the name of the supermarket but it's just a few stores past Happy Burger. I was less than 8 then.

I was a real Sustagen fan. Almost every night I'd have my bottle of chocolate milk, which would be refilled (and gently thrusted into my mouth) sometime before I wake up. At that point in my childhood life, I thought only Sustagen made choco milk drinks, so you can just imagine my excitement when I saw Susy and Geno. These overgrown huggable chocolate-milk makers!

Kids and parents were clamoring just to get their pictures taken or to be able to touch or gimme-five with Susy and Geno.

I said "Hi!" to Susy when they came in. She didn't wave back. Didn't Susy see me? I was hesitantly chasing after them, while my mom kept close afraid to lose me in the throng of "fans."

Then I saw a staffer of the supermarket tailing close to Susy, picking something off Susy's hair. I thought, Susy has kuto? The female staffer just picked and picked white stuff from Susy's hair.

Then I heard a male voice coming from Susy. She... or he or it is asking if there are more.

The sound sounded a bit scary for a kid my age, like a groggy hermit shouting at you to get out of his cave. Just imagine you have bucket over your head and you're speaking from inside. Multiply that resonance by 3~4 times coz it's not a pail you have on as an advertising helmet; you have this massive hallow globe wearing a permanently freaky smile.

I asked mom, Anong ginagawa nung ale? May kuto ba si Susy? Di ba siya naliligo para wala siyang kuto? (What is the lady staffer doing? Does Susy have lice? Doesn't she take a bath so she won't get lice?)"

Other moms would've said, "Yes, dear, Susy has kuto. That's what happens to kids who don't take baths." Kinda like how parents would use Santa to make their kids behave.

Well, ever so practical, my mom didn't disguise any fantasies for me. She said, "Matagal na kasi sa bodega kaya inalikabok siguro. (It's been in the warehouse for too long that it had collected dust bunnies."

.... :- ....

We continued with our grocery shopping.

Big Consciousness Talking...

2006-09-15T10:53:00.000+08:00

I chanced upon this article on Jim Paredes' blog. It made such good sense of some of my thoughts and feelings so much I just had to share this.

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Big Consciouness Talking..

After all the pros and cons commenters wrote on whether Pinoys are traitors or heroes for living abroad, read this. This man's insight is truly valuable. Truly, here is big consciousness talking. Nigerian novelist, Ben Okri, in an interview with Ode Magazine.

"We lack knowledge; we lack insight. I think it is a kind of imprisonment. We believe that people should only live in the place where they were born. As if you signed a contract with God: 'I was born in Birmingham and I promise never to leave.' This imprisonment has contributed greatly to the ignorance that exists throughout the world, to the prejudices that people have about their neighbours, the next country or another religion—and about 'that tribe' and people of 'that colour.' If people were free to travel more… if someone travels from Birmingham to Thailand, it is not really travelling. That is tourism. But if you travel from Birmingham to Liverpool and live in Liverpool and then go to Ireland and live in Ireland and then come and live in London for a bit and then maybe do a spate of living in Paris and then you visit Africa and then visit Thailand, now that is travelling. Travelling challenges you to change your provincial perspective. Travel begins by altering your sense of the assumptions that you make about the world.

Travelling enables you to see how different you are from your next-town neighbour, and how similar you are.

"That is why it is important to teach children to think clearly, but it is also important to travel with them. I think that moving children gradually away from where they originate is an important influence on freeing the mind and reducing the amount of prejudice. You must deal with the problem of racism in a manner that is not only political. You cannot legislate it out of existence. It is important to understand why people are that way and why they think that way. The problem is not that white people have not met black people. The problem is that people do not leave their neighbourhoods. Real freedom for a Dutchman would be the freedom not to be Dutch and for an African not to be African. It is the freedom to expand your definition of what you think and experience constantly, always allowing new possibilities.

"It is the freedom to investigate your shadow side, the side that you disown. You need this knowledge in order to find your vocation. You do not just get up and become a photographer. You have to enter into the process. You have to learn and surrender and, at some point, mastery will come to you. There comes a point when your hands are broken, your face is broken and your spirit altered, when you begin to sense the hidden laws of your art. Only then can you start to take photographs and write poems that will be of great value to this world. Only then can you transcend yourself."

Musings

2006-09-15T08:35:00.000+08:00

Many times I've thought of going back home for good. Never to work in another country again.

However, the mere idea of settling back into my comfort zone is a confinement scarier than the thrill of experiencing what is new and a bit unknown.

Living with what you're familiar with doesn't make you grow that much. You do your daily rituals like a machine. You push through your days like a zombie. Living abroad in different cultures made you harness your interacting skills, problem-solving skills pushing you beyond what you think is your limit.

Alone, you can really feel the absence of company. However, solitude can make you feel the presence of your mind. Gives you time to think, read, think, access yourself and view your life as a 3rd person. Most of all, it makes you notice a lot of things that normally wouldn't even catch your attention.

Taiwan was my first "destination." And you know what they say about firsts - you rarely forget them. What I love most about living in Taiwan is that I became an explorer!

On my scooter, I used to experiment with the directions - on it I squirmed through alleys and back alleys. (I discovered new and quaint coffeeshops that way. I regret not being able to take pictures of them.) It broadened my mental map of the city I lived in. Doing this I saw and felt, the world may be big and daunting, but that's just it. It's not bad after all.

The feeling's kinda like being thrown into the pool to force you to learn to swim. At first you waddle like crazy hoping to stay afloat, and eventually you learn to... and you enjoy it. After knowing how to swim, there are days you want to go back again, probably to hone your strokes or to learn a new style. Every time you get a chance to notice, "ah, so this is where I've been doing wrong" or "so doing this increases my speed."

You go to a different pool and you'll still be able to swim, only better coz you've been practising. Sure, the depth and width / shape may be different, but bottomline is you still can swim and enjoy swimming.

That's the image I can give that'll best describe my experiences so far.

The addiction of moving from one new world to another probably stems from the curiosity of wanting to discover what else I am capable of doing, from the desire of knowing more about myself and what I'm really meant to do in this lifetime.

I was passionate about drumming once. Still am. And it gives me no greater satisfaction than to bang on the drums and just let it all out.

I want to have the same drive with my life. I want to find the same kind of passion that will move me and give me courage to tread over doubts and uncertainties. Nothing is more exciting and exhilarating than doing something out of passion. And in the end, win or lose, you still feel victorious coz you know you gave it your very all.

That's the search I'm in, and if the search meant I have to go around the world, may my angel be at my side to enlighten me always.

My 1st Blog (baw)

2006-09-14T14:21:00.000+08:00

hmm... What do you usually tell people on your first blog?

........... (temporary writer's block and more to come) ............

Open Tummy:
The man sedated by pain is rushed into the operating room. He's floating between life and death.

Nurses help the doctor get into action. The doctor wasted no time in slicing the man's flesh. He spread the cut apart, making the opening bigger. Blood gushed out. Crimson red.

He can now see the abdomen. His eyes dilated. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead. He had never seen something like this before.

He glanced at his patient lying there on his table. He looked grotesquely at peace, seemingly fast asleep even with a gaping wound on his stomach.

Suddenly the man's eyes opened. Blood pumped even harder, spraying on the doctor's robe.

His stomach gurgled. Something on it moved a bit.

It opened its eyes.

Blinking it looked around. Intense lights blinded it for a moment. When its eyes adjusted, it opened its mouth to breathe, exposing his gnarly teeth, unused for a long time.

The man is gasping. But no one noticed, no one cared. Everyone frantically ran for the door.

Except for one.

He drew his eyes back on his work. It's beautiful. He gazed more for a few seconds, mesmerized by this creature in front of him.

He couldn't hold back anymore. He dove in and had his feast.

Victorious, he ate the heart last.

(toot-toot-toooooot....)

The man gasped no more.

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Ewwww...grosssss!!!

Kinilabutan ako sa sinulat ko a! Of course, that's the literal freakish scene.

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People always claim their lives are an open book.

Well, me - people know me as the always-hungry-one; thus, the more apt title. :D

I hope to able to share my thoughts, musings, curiousities, feelings, opinions, experiences, up-and-downs as faithfully as I can.

There are times I'll be like a shaken bottle of soda that just explodes once opened, but sometimes I'll be just like a nice warm cup of coffee - rich aroma, rich blend. Come join me on my buffet trip I call life.

Now, I am no entertainer (nor am I good writer), but I welcome any audience and comments (keep it clean though) coz a blog ain't a blog without a reader.

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Ikli noh? Layo sa ER scene. Advance Happy Halloween! hahaha